Friday, November 4, 2011

Brody's Two Month Update


Brian and I have started to get used to being parents.  It's funny how your mind, body, and heart adjust so quickly to this new addition to life.  We love him more and more each day as his personality continues to develop.  He is an absolute joy. 

Brody-at two months, you:
- definitely don't fit into newborn clothes anymore. :(
- had your first night away from mom and dad for their 5 year anniversary.  Nana and Papa stayed with you at our house.  You were 6 1/2 weeks old. 
- smile and coo alllll the time!  We LOVE it and try so hard to make you happy!
- started the BabyWise feeding schedule (eat, wake time, sleep) at 5 weeks.
- have been sleeping through the night regularly since then (with one feeding early morning and then dropping that too).
- wear your hazelwood/amber necklace to help with acid reflux/spit up.
- your acne has gotten a lot better.
- loooooove the swing.  You take most of your daytime naps in it.
- love your play gym too.  You love Mr. Octopus. 
- have visited the mountains for cousin Ben's 5th birthday.
- went on a ride in OUR boat for the first time.
- laugh when we pull/wiggle your arms and legs.
- hold your head up pretty well when we hold you.
Riding on our boat.  You were sooo tired.  You fell asleep shortly after this.

A picnic lunch at the park on our 5 year anniversary

love that smile!
play time!



Here you are with your doggie at 2 months:
October 10th, 2011
And then you fell over

Brody's One Month Update

I thought I'd backtrack a little bit and write Brody's monthly updates to catch up.  That way I can look back on these and see how far he's come AND compare him developmentally to our next kids! The first month was pretty emotional for Brian and I, especially me.  I was getting adjusted to this new lifestyle and sleeping pattern and my body seemed like it went through shock.  I was pretty exhausted all the time and it was difficult to move about in the first few weeks because of my C-section.  We had a few visitors: Kristie, Shannon, William and his family, Brenda and Cherri, my cousins Amy and Julie (plus Cameron and Ann Caroline), my grandma and Jason.
You were born August 10, 2011 at 5:17 pm.  You weighed 7 lbs. 3 oz. and you were 19" long.
At 1 month, you:
- gained 3 lbs. and 3 inches!  Growing so fast!
- have baby acne and lots of it.  I was kind of embarrassed by it.
- still fit in newborn clothes and diapers.  You are long and skinny.
- started wearing cloth diapers in the last week.
- have had your first boat ride, dip in the lake, trip to the beach, and dip in the ocean.
- had your first bath and hated it.  The second one was much better.
- have trouble falling asleep outside of someone's arms.
- love to sleep on the Boppy too.
- are still waking up a couple times a night and sleep and eat all day long.
- can focus on a face.
- can lift your head for a short while on your tummy.
- coo and gurgle and say 'ahhh'.
- smile in response to me (or so it seems-I know it's not just gas).
- calm down instantly when in your dad's arms.
- still keep your hands in fists all the time.
- are losing your hair and look like Elmer Fudd.

Your first boat ride

Brian was just dying to get him in the lake!
You didn't mind it a bit!-This is as far as mommy would let you go!
Look at that wet tooshie!



Labor day weekend 2011-Don't mind my terrible tan lines!

You would cry when he dipped you and then stop when he stood up.  You are so sweet.
You didn't like your bath too much!

You love to sleep in the Boppy.



Here you are when you were 2 days old with your doggie:





And here you are one month old with your doggie:

And then you fell over

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Happy First Halloween Brody!

It was Brody's first Halloween on Monday!  While we have been celebrating all month with festive clothing, he was officially Superman to go trick or treating!  We went to a big block party at our church Sunday evening and then trick or treating around a local neighborhood that goes all out for the holiday on Monday night!
Brian and Brody at church 
It's a bird! It's a plane!
with the cousins at church

Trick or treating Monday night with his Frankenstein bag

Just got his first and only treat!

So cute and warm in his hat!

Brody's first Halloween candy!
Saturday night Brian and I went to our Life Group's Halloween party!  Brian dressed up like a zombie (as he does every year) and I wore my pirate costume from a few years ago.  Here are some pics:
Brian and I 
Some of the guys playing Rock Band

The Gang after a Haunted House tour

Some of Brody's cute Halloween get-ups:
Well, this is just me reading him a Halloween story...

In his Dracula pj's

cute 'babylegs' I found at Target

skeleton pj's

my unhappy pumpkin at the pumpkin patch

'the nerd'  :)

giddy up cowboy

My First Halloween outfit

skulls and crossbones!

wrestler!


Hope you had a great Halloween!


Life is Tough Sometimes!

Now I am finally going to talk about what I been mentioning in a few posts about being 'down' lately.
Disclaimer: I am about to spill my guts and you only just met me!


As you are well aware by now, I had my son about 3 months ago.  Up until now, I have been able to stay home from work and take care of him.  Well, that is about to end. :(  My leave from work ends on his 3 month birthday and I am devastated.  It has been my deepest desire since I was little to be a mommy and take care of my sweet little baby.  When I say desire I mean full on need to be home with my sweet boy watching all of his developmental milestones and knowing that I helped him reach them.  Mommy:  A kisser of cheeks and booboos, a nurturer, a sideline cheerer, a bear hugger, a smiling, ogling mom that gives unconditional love with everything in me every second of every day.  I need to be that person.  While I know God can only give me true fulfillment and I need to be at peace with whatever situation He allows me to be in, I feel that life would be most rewarding with the job title: mom because I am giving someone love, attention, a chance to be a good person and he's all mine.  (Well, you know-Brian's too).  But as of right now, that's not possible.  Brian and I took a long hard look at our budget and it just doesn't seem feasible with student loans, hospital bills, car payments, etc.  I was/am soooooo upset about it.  I mean crying, screaming into my pillow sob fest.  It just sucks!  I felt so angry with God too.  He knows that this is the deepest desire of my heart and I don't understand why He won't fulfill that desire.  I know that His plan is perfect and He knows the future and what is best for my life and I want to be completely faithful and accept it but my own selfish desires get in the way!  It just kills me that after I go back to work my time spent with Brody will be cut in half!  I feel like we have such a special bond-he knows my voice, he turns his head toward me when I talk, he smiles at me all the time, and sometimes becomes so fixated on me that he would rather stare into my eyes than be amused by anyone else.  It is the best feeling to be wanted and needed by someone.  I am so scared that all of this will fade away when I go back to work.  I am terrified that he is going to love his babysitter more than me!  She will be the one providing for him-giving him his milk, playing with him, changing his diapers, singing his favorite Itsy Bitsy Spider song.  And he will fall in love.  And I will be chopped liver.  Really, I know this won't happen but.......
 But - when I add up the cost of daycare and insurance debited from my paycheck there's a measly amount left.  My conscience is having a battle-stay at home, fulfill desires, be there for every moment, be the best mom I can be vs. work a job and have a little extra money leftover but miss out on half of my child's life.  Would having that money really make life that much better?  And then by the time baby #2 comes around having absolutely no money left in my paycheck because I am paying someone else to love my kid(s).  

So yeah, that's what's been going through my head.  Pray for me as November 10th approaches.  Thanks.
Brian did say that we will try our hardest to save up money and possibly by baby #2, my dream could come true.  Brian is such a sweetheart.  I love you babe.  Thank you for working so hard and being a great husband and dad.  You're the best!  So glad I married you!
Also, don't get me wrong-I love my job!  It is the first job that I have never dreaded waking up and going to (up until now).  I get to be the mother of a whole classroom full of children that need someone to love on them a little.  And I've got plenty of love to go around.  It's just bittersweet.
Alright.  November 10th.  Prayers.  Thanks!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Prayer Request

Please pray for my sweet friend from college whose unborn baby has anencephaly.  Follow her story here : http://oursweetboygraysonjames.blogspot.com/

Brody's Birth Story

Again, another post from my other blog, copied and pasted for your enjoyment! 
So...MY BABY BOY IS HERE!  He was born August 10, 2011 and let's just say I was thrown a lot of curve balls leading up to his birth.  Here is a copy of my birth plan that I had written a month before he was born:


Brody’s Birth Plan

First and foremost, I would like to strive for a natural birth.  This means that I do not want to be induced, unless naturally and only if necessary-or have any pain medication.  Please do not offer any medication and I will let you know if I change my mind.  ***I plan on staying at home as long as I feel comfortable.  I do not want to hurry labor with drugs. 
I understand that it’s hospital protocol to be hooked to an IV-that is fine.  I understand that I also need antibiotics for Strep B.  After these actions have taken place, I would like to be ‘capped off’ if possible so I can continue to move about.    
I would like the ability to be as mobile as possible.  As long as the baby is doing fine, then I would only like the vitals to be checked intermittently.  This means I can go walking about as necessary, take a shower, etc. Besides my spouse, Brian, I would also like my mother in the room with me. 
 If things go smoothly, I am going to be as patient as possible and allow my body to push Brody out.  If things progress quickly, I would like to tear instead of having an episiotomy. 
After Brody is born, I would like to wait until the cord stops pumping before clamping and Brian would like to cut the cord, if he’s feeling up to it.
I would also like to hold the baby and have skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible.  Anything that can be done while I am holding the baby would be nice. 
I am also going to exclusively breastfeed so I would like the soonest opportunity to do that according to the baby.  I do not want my baby to be given water, formula or a pacifier. 
I want to room in with the baby, having him with me at all times.  


Guess what, almost none of that happened....  I wanted a natural birth SOOOO badly! I was DETERMINED to have this child drug-free! *sigh* Well, Brody was due August 1st but he was making no progress at his doctor's appointments.  I was getting sad and antsy.  The longer he waited to come out, the more scared I was of induction.  Luckily, my best friend from Indiana SURPRISED me and was able to stay with me the whole time I was waiting on him.  I hadn't seen her in a few years but it was like we had seen each other every day.  It's one of thosekinds of relationships.  The best kind.  Welllllll, I went in to my doctor's appointment Tuesday, August 9th, 1 week and 2 days past my due date.  I was scheduled for an ultrasound to check on the babes and make sure everything was alright.  She decided to check me first and barely any progress was made (50% effaced, less than 1 cm dilated).  She stripped my membranes and holy crap did it hurt.  I mean, it's called 'stripping membranes,' HELLO!  Then came the u/s.  Not good.  My amniotic fluid was low.  Borderline low.  The OB threw out some jargon and said if it was an 8 then she would give me a couple more days, but since I was a 5 I shouldn't risk it and needed to go in to the hospital that night. 5 or 8 what, I don't know and when she threw out words like 'borderline' and 'risk' and 'go to the hospital tonight' it got me scared.  She said I would have Cervadil inserted and then I would be induced in the morning.  (Already veering way off from my birth plan).  I cried, Brian showed up, I cried some more.  Then, I went home, told Alicia, called my parents and went into a cleaning frenzy before I had to check in at 5:30. I have to admit that I was able to take a break and go get a pedicure-a brilliant shade of blue for 'boy'.  :)  My last meal was a peanut butter sandwich.  I was feeling crampy all day but on the way to the hospital, I noticed that they would come in waves.  I had no idea what contractions felt like and was starting to wonder if these were it.  I had about 4 on the way to the hospital.  I checked in and was hooked up with an IV right away and a heart rate/contraction monitor, got my Cervadil and was left with my hubby.  Because the OB stripped my membranes, it had sort of started my labor.  They came on pretty quickly and were only a few minutes apart.  It was painful but not too bad.  Then, bed time came.  The contractions were starting to hurt. A LOT.  Pretty close together too.  By looking at the monitor I would have thought that having this baby was imminent.  nope.  I couldn't sleep.  I would wake up every 5 minutes or so in pain, look at the clock and go back to sleep.  I asked for drugs.  I was weak.  I was exhausted.  I wanted the minimum so they gave me Demerol.  I was able to sleep in 30 minute increments for a couple hours.  Then it wore off.  CRAP!  My sweet, tired husband lay on the uncomfortable fold out couch and I was writhing in pain.  I wish I would have been stronger.  I should have been my own advocate for a no drug labor.  It was hard to expect a support system at 3 AM.  By 6 AM, I gave up and got an epidural.  Something that I regret and feel guilty for to this day.  It was my decision and I went against all I wanted for this pregnancy.  I also feel like it was the reason things turned out the way they did.  You'll see.  Well, I have to admit the epidural was euphoric.  I was able to sleep for a few hours.  I couldn't feel my legs, but I could sleep.  I spent the rest of the day (now August 10) in and out of sleep, being flipped to different sides because the baby's heart rate was doing funny things.  Then, they had to constantly circulate saline into my uterus to act as a cushion for him.  They did induce me eventually because my labor was slowing down (due to the epidural :( ).  I was finally 100% effaced, and 9.5 cm dilated.  It was 4 o'clock and the doc said it was time to push!  At least I was going to have him naturally.....I pushed for an hour, it hurt, I thought my blood vessels were going to pop out of my temples and I was going to pass out from holding my breath.  She said that I wasn't making enough progress and the baby was in distress.  Then she said it: C-section.  I NEVER would have thought it would have come to that.  Within 20 minutes, my son was born-out of my stomach.  Not the way a woman was meant to have a baby.  I feel as though my body failed me.  I got to kiss him while lying on the operating table and then he was whisked away to do all things they do.  Brian was with him while I was in recovery.  I didn't get to see my sweet boy for almost 2 hours!  I am so happy that he was able to breastfeed properly.  Finally something went right.  Lemme tell you though.  I have no idea what it's like to have a child naturally, sadly, but I can say that the pain from a C-section is excruciating.  I was pretty much immobile.  And those middle of the night feedings with the baby in the little roller cart, Brian had to wake up every time to pick him up and hand him to me and then to put him back.  I couldn't really lay on my side because it hurt to move.  I took a lot of pain meds.  We went home and life has taken over from there.  2 months later and there's no more pain really but the scar is there as a reminder.  Of the failure of my birth plan but the success of having a healthy, sweet-natured little guy who loves to smile at his mama
.    







The Beginning

***I started a blog under a different name and decided to start fresh with this one.  Here is a little background information about me and my pregnancy.  This was written when I was 28 weeks preggers.
So...where to begin...How about at the the beginning?  I have been married for almost 5 glorious years to the funniest, nicest guy ever.  EVER.  I was pretty set on marrying him within the first week we started hanging out.  He said he felt the same way.  About 2 years later, when we graduated college, we did.  I would have loved to start a family right away but I wanted to start a new career path and we wanted to spend some time together and really get a feel for married life.  Then, after a couple years when we thought we were ready to have kids, I decided to change careers again!  Who would have thought that, me-the lover of children and all things mommy/baby/housewife, would cause our delay in procreating!  I was sad but knew that it was in the best interest of our future baby to wait until life was a little more stable.  A couple more years of school and a new job later, here I am with a soccer ball for a stomach.  And it. is.            .  Fill in the blank.  Awesome. Painful.The Best Thing Ever. Scary. Exciting. Emotional. Nerve-wracking. Depressing.Lovely.  ETC.  Can you tell that I am hormonal?  I feel as though as I have been so blessed during this pregnancy.  What you would call a 'one-pager' in the OBGYN medical file.  A completely normal, healthy pregnancy so far.  I had barely any nausea at all in the early stages to which I am grateful, but on a completely selfish note-I wish that I would have upchucked like the rest of 'em because that only started the weight gain from the get-go.  I was hungry ravenous.  I ate like a banchee and did moderate exercise.  I was tired all the time so my trips to the gym slowed and then so did my desire.  Now, I feel like a freaking whale.  This is my blog so I can be as self-deprecating as I want. So there.  Continuing...a freaking whale.  It's my own dagblasted fault and I can change the situation if I wanted to but here I am lying on the couch, eating Cheez-Its while I am waiting for dinner to cook in the oven.  My self-esteem has gotten pretty low and while I love my growing belly (and the baby boy inside of it), I hate what it is doing to the rest of my body.  Lumpy tree trunks for legs along with the connect-the-dots acne going on all up on this, I am just a pity party mess.  Brian reassures me all the time, BUT that doesn't change my mindset.  It doesn't help when people tell me 'You must be having a butt pregnancy because your stomach is so small, but....' Keep your comments like that to yourself people!  I don't mind the 'Your belly's getting bigger' comments at all because it's supposed to be!  But my butt on the other hand....Enough of this crap....
I am sooooo excited to hold my sweet little Brody Lee in my arms and watch him grow up to be a surfer or soccer player or whatever he wants, but I just KNOW that he is going to be great at whatever he does.  I want such great, life-changing things for this kid.  And I have faith that God will follow through, I can feel it down to my toes. 
A shot of me pregnant: