Saturday, February 4, 2012

Renewed Spirit

It has been a little while since I have written.  I have been in such a funk lately that I really didn't want to be Debbie Downer in my posts.  When I say that these last couple weeks have been hard, I mean I was in a deep, dark pit with no hope or joy.  I was angry and sad.  Extremely sad.  See, Brian suggested that I work for one more year, hopefully as a teacher not a T.A., so that my salary would double and we could save all of the extra income, pay off debt (student loans, car payment, etc.) and would just be in a much more stable position for me to stay home 1.5 years from now.  It makes total sense and seems like the smart thing to do, but my selfish desires took over and I cried. And cried. And cried. And moped. And completely shut myself off to the world.  I am a Jesus follower and the Holy Spirit dwells within me, guiding my thoughts and actions.  I knew Brian's idea was best for our family and that I should submit to my husband as the leader of our family.  He prayed about it and felt this was God's answer.  Anyway, in my struggles, I looked up different Bible verses on submission and read through them this week, still feeling bitterness and resentment.  Well, God is always at work and tonight's message at church totally blew. me. away.  This series theme is Honor and Respect.  The pastor first began talking about our calling in life.  The first thing that popped in my head was, 'Being a mother.  Absolutely.' THEN, he said that God can put us through a waiting period until our calling was fulfilled.  'Oh boy.  Here we go.  He's talking to me.'  Then, he started talking about the relationship between King Saul and David.  And guess what.  He started quoting Bible verses on submission.  ALL OF THE VERSES THAT I HAD JUST READ 2 DAYS AGO.  Then, continuing with explaining the 'Wives, be submissive to your husbands' verse and how a couple should be unified in their decisions, allowing the hubs to lead while having the best interest of the family in mind and guiding with love and not dominance.  Really, the message was about showing respect and honor toward authority (President, boss, etc.) and rising above malice when we come in contact with people who might not believe the same things we do.  God's Word is alive and speaks to people in the way they need to hear it most.
It is just so comforting to know that I have a God who listens to my cries and while I am not getting what I want right now, He still satisfies my soul with peace while I am waiting.  I apologized to Brian and asked for forgiveness for the way that I have been acting and just feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  Because God lifts burdens like no one else can.  I hope to go through this next phase of my life with a much more positive outlook and attitude because I have a God that is in control and a husband who loves me.  Oh.  And a sweet, healthy, happy, cute as a button little boy.
Want more info. on the church I attend?  Go here.  If you want to hear the message I heard, check back in the next week because it is usually a few days before the new message is uploaded. :)

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