Thursday, January 26, 2012

Public Diary

Guilt plagues me.  All day long but it seems to cover me thickest when putting Brody to bed.  Knowing that it will be too long before I see him again.  I don't nurse him in the morning (I pump instead) because, to be honest, I don't want him to get in the habit of waking up at 6 am everyday.  Since we put him down later than most people, I want him to be able to sleep in as long as he wants.  A lot of parents I know put their babies down kinda early, which I completely understand, but it's hard for us since Brian doesn't even get home until 6:30 and likes to have a little Brody time before he goes to bed.  Usually, we have something going on or somewhere to be, whether planned or spur of the moment, and it would really interfere with life if he was 7 pm'er.  But, like I said, he doesn't wake up as early as most babies either.  Anyway-G.U.I.L.T.  I seriously get a burning pit in my stomach feeling like I am doing him an injustice by leaving him every day.  I know, I know.  Moms do it all the time.  Whatever.  I told my husband last night-Brody might not remember one thing about this part of his life but these moments I have with him are ones that I will always cherish.  When he's going off to college or marrying the girl of his dreams, I will still see the face of my sweet baby boy.  Recently, my dad said that sometimes certain expressions that I do are exactly the same ones he saw in me 27 years ago.  The baby years are so challenging but so memorable and rewarding.  I want to be able to cherish this time with Brody.  Baby and mama celebrating life, waiting for love of our lives to come home from work.  I know I talk about being a stay at home mom all the time but it is what consumes my thoughts.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I think about staying at home, ways to save so I can stay at home, things I would do with Brody if I could be with him all day, praying to God to grant me the deepest desire of my heart 90% of my day.  Not 5 minutes go by without these thoughts.  It is just so. not. fair.  I see other SAHM and think, 'They can make it work! WHY CAN'T I?!!!'  Sometimes, I feel so selfish for wanting these things when I know that there are women who can't have children, or struggle with raising them single-handedly or orphaned children with no mothers at all.  It is just a constant battlefield inside-my heart against my head.  Be happy with what I have been given vs. pressing on towards full-time motherhood.  Sometimes it gets pretty dark in here...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Pay It Forward

I know I said I am moving to wordpress, but I am a procrastinator and I wanted to post this.  :)
Yesterday evening I was in a hurry, exiting Wal-Mart as quickly as I could so that I could only be 20 minutes late to Life Group instead of 30 since I was providing dinner.  Well, it was misty out, Brody was in his front carrier and as I was trying to unfasten him from my chest and set him in his car seat, a dad and his elementary-aged son stopped and said, "Ma'am, we see you have your hands full and we would like to put your groceries away for you."  I was shocked!  Kindness at Wal-Mart?  Who'da thought?!  I graciously accepted and he and his son unloaded my piled high cart into my trunk.  He said he saw my church magnet on the back of my car and said his grandma went there.  I thanked him about a gazillion times and he set off with my cart to get those everyday low prices.  I felt so uplifted by that act of kindness and whispered to Brody, "People are good."  And what a good example he was setting for his son.  I hope that I will have an opportunity to pay it forward-whether it be to another mother with her hands full or a random in the drive-thru behind me.  Let's spread the love and kindness people!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Moving Soon!

Hey guys!  I plan on moving my blog to a wordpress site because I have had people tell me they had difficulty leaving comments on this blog.  I have researched and it is much easier to do so using that domain.  SO, I will let you know when it is up and running and give you a link in the near future!  I am going to transfer all of my posts to that site!
See you soon!

Friday, January 13, 2012

My name is Jessica. And I am addicted to Pinterest...


Oh my goodness people!  If you have not checked out Pinterest yet, you should!  You MUST!   Especially if you are a woman (no offense lone male reader, aka: dad).  This site is the!  First, it lets you peruse through other people's pins that you follow because you have similar interests.  Then, you can search by specific categories or type in 'weddings, 'babies,' 'felt flowers,' etc in the search bar.  Like, I LOVE the Crafts/DIY category, so I am able to look through all of the crafty things every other Pinterester pinned.  A 'pin' is just when you are reading someone's blog or looking at a recipe online and you say, 'giggidy...that cheesy enchilada recipe is right up my alley' you can 'pin it' to your electronic pin board and it is saved for you.  So a week later, when you decide to make it, you go to your Pinterest pin board, click on the pin and it will take you to that website again.  It's pretty much like bookmarking everything you have ever wanted.  Just do it.  It's not hard.  Well, I have tried to spend more time finally doing some of the projects instead of just ogling over all of them online.  So, I thought I would show you my Pinterations....???  Things I have created via the big P:
A work in progress.  Little did I know that tying strips of fabric and ribbon to a wreath form would take 40 bajillion hours.  This is put on hold until next year so I don't get arthritis!

Halloween bunting

the other side

Fall bunting I hung from the windows (just scrapbook paper and twine)

button art...couldn't find lots of orange buttons so I just spray painted them.  My grass was festive and orange for a week!

Not really from Pinterest, per say, but just being crafty--printed this off onto an iron-on sheet and pressed it on his shirt.

got inspired and bought some fabric

saw this picture so I copied it

this one too

made the flowers and glued them on for Christmas

Heat 'n' Bonded the Christmas tree and embroidered his name by hand

not the best work but it was my first time!

Christmas bunting--super easy and makes the windows look pretty

tie applique

This is the only pic where you can kinda see the 'winter' iron-on transfer--it's an ornament with a snowman and his name underneath.  I just love anything with his name or initials on it.

Inspired to set up a crafting station so I can have things easily accessible.  

My first sewing project---wonky but whatever! Brodiddly loves it!

Covered a cork board with fabric to 'pin' things that  inspire me.  Pretty much, Pinterest in real life.

This stinks because I never took a picture of the end result.  These are frames I painted, added ribbon, then put hooks underneath and a felt flower on the top corner for my nieces to hang their hair accessories on.  I also made felt flowers  with hair clips and elastic hair bands to attach them too.  Kind of proud of it and don't even have a pic!  Oh well!

Really, I know I am supposed to source all of these, but that would take forever, can follow me! Ummm, so I was going to put a cute "Follow me on Pinterest" pin on my sidebar, but once I searched via google and there was this technological jargon with words like 'embed' and 'codes' and 'javascript' I thought, 'nope. not worth it.' So, just ask me and I'll tell you, k? :)

And if you have anymore questions about it, go here.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Happy 5 Months Brody!

Oh my gosh!  You went from infant to baby right before our eyes.  You have grown up so much this past month, I can't believe it!  So many things happened at once and now you are a little man!  You still bring us so much joy and are getting cuter and cuter by the day!  We love you so much and couldn't imagine life without you!
Here's how you've grown...
- seem to have gotten longer because some of your 3-6 month pjs are getting tight on your toes!
- still LOVE your bouncer.
- drool and chew on
- grab for things.  If anything is put in front of your face, you reach for and pull it to your mouth! :)
- seem right hand dominate.  If you are sitting up and something falls to your left, you still cross your right arm over your body to get it.
- celebrated your first Christmas!!  (which reminds me I need to blog about it!)  You got so much stuff!  People sure must love you!
- started waking up in the middle of the night again!!!! :(  Good thing it started the night I was off for Christmas break and pretty much ended the day I went back.  You would wake up sporadically throughout the night but were always comforted by your paci and would go back to sleep.  I think this is due to some ***milestones*** you hit just in the past couple weeks.
- ***started saying 'bababa' sometimes 'mmmmammma' and dadadada.' !!!!!  We absolutely love it!  And when you get really mad and want to go to bed, you say yell BA BA BA BA!  It makes me smile. :)
- ***roll almost completely over from your back to your belly.  The daggern arm gets in the way!  But this leads you to be a lot more mobile and if I set you down- 5 minutes later you are 180 degrees from where you were and have scooted off your play mat!
- ***not really a milestone, but you started to stick your tongue out! It's the cutest thing!  Last weekend daddy was doing it to make you laugh and you did it back!  Now whenever we do it or you are really happy, you stick it out!  Just like mommy showing the 'bullet' when she was little!
- ***started sleeping in your crib!!!  This made mommy soooo happy! I was so worried you were going to be attached to the swing for forever but New Year's Day, you were so tired and I just laid you in your crib with your blanket and soft minky and you went right to sleep.  I tried it again later and boom!  I try to lay you down there now every time.
- haven't started solids yet.  Still waiting...
-drink about 5 oz. a feeding.
- love your taggie blanket that I made you!  You crinkle it for a good 15 minutes before you tire of it.  (which is a long time baby-wise)
- are soooo squirmy.  Long gone are the days where we can just cuddle up with you.  You still love to be held but move around and look at everything going on.
- still can't sit up very well but we are working on it!
- you love your feet!  You love grabbing on to them and pulling them into your mouth!  It is precious!
- still think bath time is the best thing that has ever happened and you kick and splash with those long, chubby legs!

Your 5 month picture:
January 10, 2012

Now for some outtakes:
This time the blanket fell because you were sooo squirmy!!

Hey dad!

Peek a boo!
Some highlights:


Love this one!  Wish I would've thought of it sooner for our Christmas card!

You love bath time!  Especially when daddy puts every bath toy you own in there!

Such a big, strong boy!

Haha!  You fell asleep sucking on your finger!

Getting in the Christmas spirit!

Your new trick!

Taking a nap IN YOUR CRIB!

How did you get way over there?! Perpendicular to where I lay you down!

Your taggie blanket I made you

You are one cool dude!

My goodness that's a lot of presents!
Well, that about wraps up the past month!  Lots of learning going on!  Babies are amazing!  We love every second of parenthood!  It's easy with a little dude like you!
<3, Mommy

Saturday, January 7, 2012


Well, guys-it's one week in to the new year and yeah......haven't switched completely to a vegan diet and haven't exercised every day.  While I FULLY support eating a vegan diet, I think I need to slowly transition into it due to breastfeeding, whereas before I cut out everything cold turkey.  This is due to the fact that I have noticed a decrease in my milk supply because I was eating such a high calorie diet and then switching right into beans, veggies and salad.  There were a couple of days there where I might have consumed 1200 calories but probably less.  Also, I felt like my body was going through withdrawal which is normal because processed foods are like an addiction and had no energy.  I knew this wouldn't always be the case but it's hard to be so tired and give your baby all the time he needs.  Plus, I didn't purge all of our food that was not vegan friendly.  I am trying really hard not to waste money on food and I would feel foolish to throw away a carton of organic eggs or a full box of pancake mix for the cause.  SO, I plan on adjusting slowly and when things run out, replace them with healthier options.  I am trying to eat healthier overall though.  Incorporating lots more salads, beans and fruit smoothies and minimizing the meat intake (chicken and eggs).  I feel better about my food choices now than I did one week ago and that's what it's all about.  Making small changes for the better.  A marathon not a sprint.  Here is my 'tip' for you though.  While it may not be possible to eat a 100% organic diet while on a budget, there are certain foods I would suggest you splurge on.  I found this nifty printable from that has a list of 'the dirty dozen' and 'the clean fifteen.'  You may have heard of this before.  The dirty dozen are the foods that you should really try to buy organic because they have the highest level of pesticides.  The clean fifteen have the lowest level and are safer to buy non-organic.

If you click here, it will take you to the PDF printable.  Keep it in your wallet as a reminder when you go to the grocery store.  It looks like this:

Just here to help!  Cheers to healthful living!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Will It Ever End?

The stupid pain in my heart.  The way my throat tightens up when I hug you good night.  This is not the way it's supposed to be.  Not the way I pictured our life together.  Having regrets already as a mother.  You  are growing too fast and I am missing so much of it.  I want to hold you just a little while longer before you don't need me to hold you anymore.  These are the best times.  Last week was everything I ever wanted it to, you, and daddy.  Our little family-so much in love with one another.  You are a rare find, baby. A precious, sweet, innocent boy.  A kiss every second would never be enough.  I see you in everyone.  The children in my classroom, a random passerby, your daddy, every other little boy.  I feel love for them because they were once like you are now.  You teach me compassion everyday.  So thankful God chose you to be my baby.  Night night.