Let's Be Honest

And I mean, totally honest.  I am writing this post for those future moms out there who may experience this, come across my blog and feel a bit of normalcy in their situation.  Here's the scoop---being a mom is tough!  ESPECIALLY at the beginning.  Your whole. life. changes. in one day.  I reeeeeally struggled with the adjustment the first few weeks of Brody's life.  I just thought it would be so different.  I had wanted a baby my whole life and now that he was finally here, where were those feelings of elation and utter joy?  I felt disconnected with him.  There were so many factors interrupting our relationship.  An unplanned C-section.-I couldn't really hold him until a couple of hours after his birth.  I felt like a failure as a woman and mother because it did not go as I planned at all (see Brody's Birth Story).  I was totally drugged up and in a lot of pain--even after I left the hospital.  My hormones were sooo out of whack.  I would cry all. the. time.  Poor Brian!  I was so exhausted but still felt the need to do housework.  Seriously--sleep, sleep, sleep.  Breastfeeding was painful.  I wanted this so badly for him, but I would absolutely dread when he would be hungry because I knew it would hurt so badly.  He would fall asleep while nursing and I was so scared to move him and wake him that I would sit on the couch, motionless with him, for 2+ hours.  And then it would start all over again.  I was so tired of sitting!  So many things effecting our relationship.  And when people would tell me "It gets better," I couldn't comprehend it because it felt like eons away.  I loved my baby and gave him what he needed, but I didn't like him so much there for a little bit.  I was basically surviving.  People would say this is postpartum depression, but I don't really think so because the feelings left and were finally replaced with elation and complete joy.  It was just an adjustment period.  Now, I look forward to every second-watching him develop and those smiles---holy cow--melt my heart!!  Mamas-to-be, don't feel bad if you don't have that instant bond with your baby.  Take it from someone who knows, you will fall head over heels for your baby, you will eventually get some sleep, your boobs will feel better, you will want another one (if you're planning on more than one), you will eventually think, "I can't imagine life could get any better."  And you know what, it does.  Here's to faith, hope and love.